Being rejected is always a risk but you can't go through life avoiding things out of fear of rejection. So while I get that you're worried about it, you need to just need to be brave and do it. There are all kinds of ways to initiate that range from explicit to subtle but it's something I'd talk about with your boyfriend in terms of figuring out what works for both of you. For example, explicit/direct would be to just ask him, “would you like to go to bed with me?” Just that simple. More subtle would be some of his suggestions, which are non-verbal, but still communicate interest. Some couples light a special candle that basically says “hey, I'm in the mood”. The point being: initiation can take on many forms but it's best to figure out, through talking with one another what works for both of you. As for this: dont often have the desire to have sex unless he starts, You have responsive desire. If you want to learn more about it, read “Come As Your Are” by Emily Nagoski. It's very common, especially amongst women, but it's useful to understand its dynamic (your BF should understand it too). In your situation, you might to just set a calendar reminder “sex night” for a night the two of you might normally have sex anyway (like a Fri or Sat night for example). But also: when someone says “I want you to initiate more” what they're also saying is “I want to feel your desire for me.” And that can be tricky for someone with responsive desire because you usually don't feel that desire in the moment until after you two have started getting intimate. What helps is to remind him that he's sexy. That you make it a point to touch him and be affectionate. That you flirt with him or find other ways of saying to him, “I find you desirable.” That's all most of us — women and men alike — want from our partners…to know that they desire us like we desire them.
If you can't get your doctor to give you a referral for a gyno, then make an appointment on bonjour Sante to see someone for a Tele health appointment. They can give you a referral. Some of the Tele health places do cost some money, but it will get your foot in the doors. Alternatively, you can see a pelvic floor physio. They are so so knowledgeable. They can help you with exercises you can do so this doesn't happen. Not sure where you are located but kinetix centre pelvienne were very professional when I saw them after the birth of my child.
Breathe. Long breaths. Slowly. Cut the self doubt mind fucks. Let that shit go. You are not your dick Use your mind and fingers to pleasure your partner(s) Once they enjoy what's happening your dick will start to work no issue.
If it was your partner cheating on you I’m sure you wouldn’t be saying this lol. And even if you were, people have the right to draw the line and have boundaries. Cheating is in most cases a dealbreaker. It isn’t for you? Ok.
but here’s the thing- you have to listen to her when she’s like in her dominant mood. or else she’ll become insecure. that’s what happened to me with my last guy…he just responded “ok” and was like so emotionally unavailable and that made me feel like I wasn’t capable of actually fucking him how he wants to be fucked. So every time we fucked I was super insecure and unable to let go. So when she opens up and is ready just be ready if you’re available and free. And if you’re not free be honest if you’re scared and backing out so she can tell you it’s okay and to come over anyway. Unless it’s schedule related then tell her you’re busy until a certain day or time and plan it. Just make her feel secure.
I am definitely not asking any ladies to bite my dick.
Being rejected is always a risk but you can't go through life avoiding things out of fear of rejection. So while I get that you're worried about it, you need to just need to be brave and do it. There are all kinds of ways to initiate that range from explicit to subtle but it's something I'd talk about with your boyfriend in terms of figuring out what works for both of you. For example, explicit/direct would be to just ask him, “would you like to go to bed with me?” Just that simple. More subtle would be some of his suggestions, which are non-verbal, but still communicate interest. Some couples light a special candle that basically says “hey, I'm in the mood”. The point being: initiation can take on many forms but it's best to figure out, through talking with one another what works for both of you. As for this: dont often have the desire to have sex unless he starts, You have responsive desire. If you want to learn more about it, read “Come As Your Are” by Emily Nagoski. It's very common, especially amongst women, but it's useful to understand its dynamic (your BF should understand it too). In your situation, you might to just set a calendar reminder “sex night” for a night the two of you might normally have sex anyway (like a Fri or Sat night for example). But also: when someone says “I want you to initiate more” what they're also saying is “I want to feel your desire for me.” And that can be tricky for someone with responsive desire because you usually don't feel that desire in the moment until after you two have started getting intimate. What helps is to remind him that he's sexy. That you make it a point to touch him and be affectionate. That you flirt with him or find other ways of saying to him, “I find you desirable.” That's all most of us — women and men alike — want from our partners…to know that they desire us like we desire them.
If you can't get your doctor to give you a referral for a gyno, then make an appointment on bonjour Sante to see someone for a Tele health appointment. They can give you a referral. Some of the Tele health places do cost some money, but it will get your foot in the doors. Alternatively, you can see a pelvic floor physio. They are so so knowledgeable. They can help you with exercises you can do so this doesn't happen. Not sure where you are located but kinetix centre pelvienne were very professional when I saw them after the birth of my child.
Breathe. Long breaths. Slowly. Cut the self doubt mind fucks. Let that shit go. You are not your dick Use your mind and fingers to pleasure your partner(s) Once they enjoy what's happening your dick will start to work no issue.
If it was your partner cheating on you I’m sure you wouldn’t be saying this lol. And even if you were, people have the right to draw the line and have boundaries. Cheating is in most cases a dealbreaker. It isn’t for you? Ok.
but here’s the thing- you have to listen to her when she’s like in her dominant mood. or else she’ll become insecure. that’s what happened to me with my last guy…he just responded “ok” and was like so emotionally unavailable and that made me feel like I wasn’t capable of actually fucking him how he wants to be fucked. So every time we fucked I was super insecure and unable to let go. So when she opens up and is ready just be ready if you’re available and free. And if you’re not free be honest if you’re scared and backing out so she can tell you it’s okay and to come over anyway. Unless it’s schedule related then tell her you’re busy until a certain day or time and plan it. Just make her feel secure.
Could he be defensive because he's not being faithful and wants to make you not ask any questions?
Sounds smart. Also I know you said you tried it carefully but next time go even slower and use even more lube. She shouldn’t be bleeding