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If you're in a relationship where you don't get to have boundaries unless there's a huge fight about it, that's not a relationship any person should be in. I know you love him, but please PLEASE love yourself enough to get out of this relationship. He doesn't love you back. What he's doing is far too callous, spiteful, and cruel to be love and it breaks all of our hearts that you don't see it. I hope these comments help you realise that this is not normal, that this is a very psychologically unsafe environment for you to be in, and that this relationship is abusive. This relationship is abusive. Read that last sentence again. Again. Again.
I know it’s all down to preferences, but a women like you that enjoys bjs and tasting your own juices is quite rare from my experiences. I’m sure you’ve made some guys cum incredibly hard as you savoured the flavours.
So why you preff anal? What about hand and pussy?
This may be a little too much to unpack for the folks on this sub and would probably be better addressed with a therapist, perhaps one who focuses on past sexual trauma.
None of this remotely sounds like evidence of cheating, that's insane. People last longer sometimes. Probably he masturbated in advance so that he would be able to last longer, and probably he said “shut up” because he was embarrassed about not having lasted very long last time.
What scares you indeed? Shape, size or that is this thing would penetrate you?