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  1. ThrowawayAccount, Firstly, I congratulate you on your dedication to your wife. I am apathetic to your situation as I am in the same boat. Married over 30 years, divorce is not an option. Regular intercourse stopped after her hysterectomy some 10 years ago. My wife and I have a great relationship – outside of intercourse, and we are still in love. However, since her surgery, she hasn't craved intercourse. Her skin is super sensitive and she is always at some level of discomfort. Hot flashes ..etc. I try to be understanding, however, I am experiencing the same frustrations you mentioned; feeling undesirable, loss of confidence, loss of self-esteem. I used to like initiating intimacy. To me, it is the excitement of the hunt! But anymore, my advances are rebuffed. My reaches for her are blocked with an elbow or forearm. My roaming fingers are met with her counter-measured defensive fingers. She says 'I'm sorry' when she sees my disappointment. It's gotten to a point now where I don't even try. Fine for her for hell for me. I know it's her discomfort and I try to understand, but in the end, I feel like crap and go to bed pissed off and anymore I'm angry a lot of the day. I go to the gym often! I've only recently started considering outside action for sexual satisfaction. But I'll tell you, the thought guilts me to the core and besides, I am way out of practice hitting on a woman – I wouldn't know what to say or do. I'd probably come off as creepy and desperate. We might go to a couples therapist – but I don't know. I think the therapist will likely recommend she please me in some other way or I please myself – which gets old and is simply not pleasurable when all I'm thinking about is intercourse. But seriously, there is nothing compared to sexual intercourse. It is the ultimate of intimacy. For me, intercourse is an 'all in' – for as long as it takes – with foreplay and making her cum a couple of times to a few – before me. Not really looking for advice. Just wanted you to know – you're not alone. I'd like to know how your situation works out. Good luck.

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