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Married 20 years almost and my wife from day one refuses to let me go down on her. But when I did it on my old girlfriends, a couple of em would push my head down a little bit more into their p*ssy, or just carress my hair or softly caress my ears, which was pretty hot. Maybe try using your hands around his head or face with some sexy touches. It's sort of the flipside of when my wife sucks my c*ck– I caress her hair and ears. Though I pushed her head down more once and she almost threw up, so I don't push on her head anymore.
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Good luck finding someone who is perfect. If you're nitpicking over something like that, it's going to be a long struggle.
to be (h)onest?
I would suggest a therapist, and I don’t say that in a harsh judgemental way. It seems to me that you are more shy than you need to be with your partner. If you don’t want therapy (in NSW you can have five sessions per year for free under Medicare) Then you need to find other ways to relax. I would suggest some form of tantric sex training perhaps. There are some exercises that can help, such as meditation, focused breathing, soul gazing, mental projection or energy shifting. I might have the names wrong for the last two haha But the point is tantric exercises before sex help calm and relax your mind, and help remove adrenaline from the brain (which might be why your mind wanders), and help build deeper meaning in your connection. Option two might be to have a few drinks to relax. Long term, the therapy would help the most
Your boyfriend is an idiot and you need a new boyfriend
I suspect that part of him just wants to get it over with so he can stop worrying about it. It sounds like you're doing a fine job of taking the lead. You don't really have to “set the mood” or light candles or whatever. Just jump on him after some foreplay and do it. After that, the anxiety will be a non-factor and you can hopefully both proceed in getting to know one another's bodies and be regularly sexually active.
I know my wife won’t let me cum in her sweet mouth either. She says my cum tastes and feels like between phlegm and sour milk. Go figure?