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If your partner cares about your enjoyment and you care about theirs. Bonus point for candid kink conversations.
Your answer is already here. New and exciting situation. She has your dick in her mouth, while she pounded from behind. Orgasm happens in the mind. The “hitting the right spot” thing, is not what happened here. Think of your own sexual experience. The first time your with a new girl, in a super hot scenario, what happens? Pump, pump, done. (At least it’s like that for me). Then the more times you have sex with that person, the longer you lasts. This is the lady equivalent. My GF has cum from my dick alone only a handful of times. And mostly in the first couple days. It’s my hand or a vibrator along with my dick that does it now. But, I will say…..this is why I don’t share. Shits too much for most male egos to bear. I fully understand the whys. And I still don’t want to see it play out.
The best approach to any serious sex talk is to ha E it when you aren't getting ready to, in the process of, just just finished having sex. Have that talk before heading to dinner, after having lunch. When nothing remotely sexy is going on. Then you can tell him about your past trauma with a clear head where he isn't using the wrong head to think. You can even bring up what happened and how it was similar to that and triggered memories. Hopefully it impresses on him, that surprises like that aren't welcome. As for the foreplay issue… I would never agree to that. I've trained myself to take a pretty significantly sized object relatively easily, bigger than any human penis I'm likely to ever encounter and I would never take even a smallish object dry. It is a very unpleasant kind of pain and can cause tearing inside that can being it's own problems. If anal is something you've never tried, you really shouldn't start by trying to take a penis right away anyway. Unless he's fun sized, training plugs are your best bet.
It's quite a common theme!