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  1. Thanks, I really appreciate this discussion and your information about Dr. Reuben. An earlier contributor to this discussion was saying that a day's abstinence and several urinations would flush all the sperm out of the system. It might help, but there's still going to be a considerable risk. The thing is, what actually is that risk? 0.0000001% chance, or maybe 10%? We’re all just guessing and then forming opinions. To actually know the risk we’d need a well-designed study. Like say a researcher investigates 1000 men who all urinated at least 1L within 10hr post ejaculation, precum was analyzed for sperm content and we get a percentage of how many men’s precum had viable sperm. But unless a study like that happens we just have to presume a nonzero risk is present, therefore we error on the side of caution. But really this is an action based on the unknown, not the known.

  2. M28 here with many many friends. The most male friends won’t ever talk about their sexlife as in their opinion it’s a private thing between them and their partners.

  3. Others already gave great advice, so I'll comment on the “why?” piece. For me, it's because I experience responsive desire rather than spontaneous. And if I haven't been “warmed up” then I find it absolutely repulsive and I feel like I'm an object to them. This leads to an overall decrease in drive and desire, and eventually resentment when they don't get the picture. Physical touch and intimacy isn't just sexual, and I require some level of intimacy in order to be sexual. Not sure if it's the same for you or not.

  4. It sounds like you have boundaries and you're not sure how to set them here. Maybe you're willing to give up porn, but not masturbating at all as a 19 year old male? That just sounds awful. She seems to have hangups about what “cheating” is (I'm guessing she's trying to get a semblance of control over sex since she was traumatized? That's all armchair psychology BS though) It's better to be honest with her now and have her understand where your boundaries are then to go along with this and have her feel that what she's requesting is reasonable. It may cause a big fight, but 1 week of uncomfortableness is better than living the rest of your life with these unreasonable rules

  5. I actually have the same issue. It can be so stressful, especially after the deed, cleaning up and such. I am always hiding and it makes me so sad, because I know he knows how I look like. And he likes the way I look like, obviously. Unfortunately I don't have any good advices, but you are not alone.


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