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When people show you who they are… believe them.
This isn't uncommon and it sounds like you're dealing with it in a pretty mature way. Hopefully talking with a therapist can help you manage your feelings, but there are not generally easy solutions in this situation. Your sex life may or may improve, either by spontaneous libido increase in your partner, or by working on the issue together, to find a way to get more satisfaction without making one of you feel used or unwanted. Alternatively, you can learn to cope with the situation as-is, and a therapist may help with that. A big key I think is communicating with your partner clearly and non-judgmentally about your feelings (can be somewhat fraught) and getting on the same team on the issue. In any case, you'll have to learn to manage the feelings you described, at least to some extent. As you point out, it can be unhealthy to be always trying to maximize the probability you'll have sex.
Completely agree with all of this.
Believe her! She wouldn’t have said that if it weren’t true! I love big dick pounding, but actually prefer a smaller dick because I orgasm primarily from riding and grinding. I can’t put my entire weight down on a larger penis without pain or having to lean forward. A smaller penis allows me to hop on and get filled without the pain and I can ride hard and deep.