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I agree that the things that you’ve mentioned aren’t contradictions. Especially the point about not using oral as foreplay. Oral sex is sex – it’s something you do after foreplay. It’s just like how a man could say “I love PIV sex, it’s the main way I orgasm, but if my penis is soft, don’t try to turn me on by trying to shove it in your vagina.” It does sound like you’re overwhelmed by getting a lot of feedback at once and I totally understand that. It seems pretty likely that she’s been going along with your preferences for awhile because she didn’t want to be critical like this and it reached a point where she can’t deal with it anymore. That sucks for both of you! Maybe it’s time to roll things back and do some low pressure sexual stuff, like making out and mutually masturbating, while talking about the things on her list (and maybe you should make a list, too!) one at a time. That way you can ask her things like “what does ‘groping’ mean to you? How is it different from touching firmly?” And she can tell you in her own words what she means. (For me, I think of groping as grabbing or pinching, often unexpectedly or rough right off the bat. I like that, personally, but I also like to be touched firmly even when my partner is being gentle with me. Very light touches can be ticklish, but a flat hand holding me close or rubbing across my skin feels really good.)
I think you should just discontinue seeing him. You are not a good fit, sorry for the pun, in any way. Your 18, and while experience is good(supposedly), it shouldn't be painful. Find someone that compliments you and makes you feel better about yourself
He's considerably older than you. He should be careful to not misuse his experience gap against you. He should be the one worrying about effective and clear communication, not you. There's nothing wrong with dating someone else much older than you, but you've got to pick someone who is considerate and cares about your well-being. He's doing the opposite. Even when you are telling him no, he presses on. He's not some equipped to healthily date someone younger and less experienced than him. He's trying to use the experience Gao to accept things you shouldn't. That's toxic. Usually, “don't push the girl's head down your cock while getting head” is something you learn pretty early on in your sex life. While there are girls who do like it, they're rare and they'll usually only want that kind of roughness once in a while. Either your boyfriend never cared enough about his partner's well-being to learn that lesson before or he's hoping you'll accept it before you're younger. You shouldn't be dating him. Date someone more respectful, especially if they're older than you.
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